I woke up this morning knowing my life was going to be different forever. The earth has tilted its axis. Nothing will ever be the same. There's a moment I spend sitting here in my bed before I let my feet hit the ground and I go on with my life. Life has changed, I too will inevitably as a result. But how? As I feel my life spiraling out of control will I go with it? Will I crash? Will I hurt the people I love? Will I go cold? Will I be weak? Will I curse God? Now those are some options. Very approved and understandable choices I could make that many would validate, granted the catalyst that struck my soul just last night. Those choices, they may fill me for awhile. Blind me from my pain. Distract me from the truth. But they will cause more pain in the long run. More destruction does not help the destroyed. This truly leaves me with the only alternative. Rebuild. Fight the tide rather that let it pull me under. Love harder. Much much harder. Be strong, however and in any way you know how to. Though the light in my heart may feel it has burned out... Rekindle it. Thank God. It may be blind faith at first but it will grow the more you feed it. Embracing the newness does not rob you of the past joy. It continues it. No matter how far off you may drift, the shambles of your being can be restored.
One life has left this earth... But those who loved him remain left behind. We all will face this in our lives one day. I say this not to hurt you. Not to scare you. Not to threaten you... But to encourage you to stand up when you fall down. To cry out for help when you need it. To know you are never alone. People love you. And that no matter which you choose: the spiraling downward or the souring towards Serenity... Both are in your hands alone. I can't say when I leave my bed today which choice I will actually live out. But I know that God is good. I may not feel it. I certainly don't feel good. But I know it. And wherever I stumble, He will catch me. Wherever I roam off to, He will reroute me. All I have to do is have faith and pray (though it be the last thing my gut wants to do) that "Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life".
I am accountable and responsible for any and every choice I act upon. Today, I choose you God.
I love you dad.